play therapy – Grapevine Children's Counseling

October 6, 2023October 6, 2023

The Power of Talk Therapy: Empowering Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum

Navigating the complex terrain of adolescence is a challenge that many teenagers face. For those on the autism spectrum, the journey can be even more intricate. While each individual is unique, talk therapy has emerged as a powerful tool in supporting teenagers with autism. In this blog post, we’ll explore why talk therapy is invaluable for these young individuals, shedding light on the myriad benefits it offers.

Improved Communication Skills:

One of the core challenges faced by teenagers on the autism spectrum is communicating effectively. Talk therapy provides a safe, supportive environment where they can practice and refine their communication skills. Through guided conversations with a trained therapist, teens can learn to express themselves more clearly, leading to enhanced social interactions both within and outside of therapy sessions.

Emotional Regulation:

Many individuals on the autism spectrum grapple with emotional regulation. The intensity and complexity of emotions during adolescence can be overwhelming. Talk therapy equips teens with strategies to identify, understand, and manage their feelings. By discussing their emotions in a structured setting, they can develop coping mechanisms that serve them well in various aspects of their lives.

Social Skills Development:

Building and maintaining meaningful relationships can be a significant challenge for teenagers on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy offers a safe space to practice social interactions, helping them understand social cues and norms. Through role-playing and guided discussions, therapists can provide valuable feedback and teach crucial skills for navigating social situations.

Empowerment and Self-Advocacy:

Self-advocacy is a vital skill for any teenager, but it holds particular importance for those on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy helps them identify their strengths, interests, and areas where they might need support. By fostering a sense of self-awareness and self-worth, therapy empowers these individuals to advocate for their own needs, both in and outside of therapeutic sessions.

Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety and Stress:

Anxiety and stress are common challenges faced by teenagers, and they can be especially pronounced in individuals with autism. Talk therapy provides a space to explore and develop personalized coping strategies. Techniques like mindfulness, breathing exercises, and cognitive-behavioral interventions can be tailored to the unique needs of each teenager, offering them valuable tools for managing stressors.

Navigating Transitions and Change:

Change, whether it’s transitioning to a new school, facing academic challenges, or entering adulthood, can be particularly daunting for teenagers on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy helps them prepare for and navigate these transitions by providing a structured platform to discuss concerns, set goals, and develop practical strategies for success.

Building Self-Esteem and Resilience:

Positive self-esteem and resilience are critical for any teenager’s well-being. For those on the autism spectrum, who may face additional challenges and potential stigmatization, building confidence is especially important. Through talk therapy, teenagers can explore their strengths and achievements, gradually building a strong foundation of self-worth and resilience.

Talk therapy stands as a beacon of hope and support for teenagers on the autism spectrum. By providing a structured, safe environment for self-expression and growth, it equips them with invaluable skills for navigating the complexities of adolescence and beyond. Through improved communication, enhanced emotional regulation, and the development of crucial social and self-advocacy skills, talk therapy empowers these young individuals to flourish in their unique journeys.

August 31, 2018October 2, 2018

What To Do When…Your Kid Won’t Stop Lying

Nothing seems to provoke anger quicker in a parent than when is kid straight-up lying. Kids will also lie about the weirdest stuff. I once had a little kid try to convince me that he had built a mansion for himself. What? Where did that come from? Also, can I get one? Who was your contractor?

I’ve had to do a lot of research on this topic because it was stumping me as well. I did not want to embarrass the kid by calling him out because there must be a reason he feels the need to lie. However, I don’t want him to think that it’s okay to lie or damage trust in our relationship. So let me share what all the experts say!

An adult’s reaction to the Lie is critical. In the book NatureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, they suggest to not threaten kids about getting in trouble if they are lying. “It turns out that increasing the threat of punishment only turns kids into better and more frequent liars,” Bronson says. So I guess when you yell, “You’re going to get a spanking if you’re lying!” doesn’t make kids want to tell the truth.
Never ask a question to a child if you already know the answer. For example, if you saw you child hit their sibling and you ask, “Did you just hit your sister?!” and they say, “I didn’t!!” Now the kid is in trouble for hitting and for lying to you about it, plus they got a lot of attention from you. According to Dr. Gary Landreth, play-therapy guru, you’re setting your kid up for failure and escalating the situation because your own anger is heightened and the kids is even more desperate to save himself.
An increase in lying is a important to notice! “Any sudden spate of lying, or dramatic increase in lying, is a sign that something has changed in that child’s life, in a way that troubles him: “Lying is a symptom — often of a bigger problem behavior,” explained Dr. Victoria Talwar. “It’s a strategy to keep themselves afloat.”( Nutureshock, Bronson & Merryman)
Fall back on good-ole President George Washington. They did a study on The Boy That Cried Wolf vs George Washing and the Cherry Tree. Turns out, The Boy That Cried Wolf led to an INCREASE in lying (because it was punishment based). Meanwhile, hearing George Washington and the Cherry Tree reduced lying a whopping 75% in boys, and 50% in girls. ( Nutureshock, Bronson & Merryman)
Encourage Truth-telling. What really works is to tell the child, “I will not be upset with you if you lied, and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy.” This is an offer of both immunity and a clear route back to good standing. Talwar explained this latest finding: “Young kids are lying to make you happy — trying to please you.” So telling kids that the truth will make a parent happy challenges the kid’s original thought that hearing good news — not the truth — is what will please the parent.” ( Nutureshock, Bronson & Merryman) It’s not so much as “catching the lie” and more about correcting the behavior to telling the truth.
It’s really important that adults aren’t lying! Kids learn from what they hear and see! If there is one thing I know FOR SURE from being a child counselor is that parents underestimate 1) how much their kids know and 2) how much their kids hear. They know when you’re lying. There’s no hiding. They are always watching…always listening….
Spend some quality time, one on one, with your kid. Listen to what’s going on in their life and work on building a stronger relationship. It’s easier to talk to someone you are close with and feel will listen to you.

Good luck out there and give it some time! Kids respond well when they don’t feel cornered. I’m not lying! …sorry, I had to 🙂

Until next time, xoxo Kristen

*** I cannot figure out how to underline text using WordPress. I know the books should be underlined….so if someone could help a new clueless blogger out, that would be lovely. xoxo

August 31, 2018October 2, 2018

Your Kid Has Been Cutting Themselves

Cutting and self-harm seems to be popping up more and more in my practice. Cutting is such a difficult thing for parents to wrap their head around. “Why would you hurt yourself to feel better? How is this going to impact your future? ”

I have found that parents often feel completely caught off guard when they discover their kid has been cutting themselves. Most of the time they feel like they have failed their kid because they “missed the signs”. It’s heartbreaking to talk to these parents because sadness and shame are palpable in the room! The interesting thing is when I meet with parents individually there is so much sadness and helplessness. When I meet with the child and parents together, parents often are angry! They are frustrated that their kid won’t stop or won’t talk to them.

I wish I could push pause before parents start to react like this. I know that it is only coming from a place of fear, but their kid really doesn’t see it that way. The kid feels like it’s another way they are disappointing their parents or they can’t do anything right.

Parents! It’s okay to be vulnerable with your kids! It teaches them that they can be vulnerable too!

Here are tips when you find out that your kid has been cutting or self-harming themselves.

React with love, not fear. It’s scary to see your kid is doing this to themselves. Yelling at your kid, or demanding answers will not help. Take a deep breath and proceed lightly. Gently point out that you’ve seen the cuts and that you’re worried. Your kid might feel embarrassed or defensive. That’s okay! Let them know that you aren’t mad, you are just concerned.
This is not the time to go down your down shame-spiral. Parent often start this downpour of, “What did I do wrong?” or “Why did you feel like you couldn’t come talk to me?”. Those questions are totally normal, but this is not the right time to talk to your kid. This is about them, not you. Stay focused on what’s going on in their life currently.
If you feel like your kid wants to kill themselves, take them to the Emergency Room. Check out this post on what to do.
Find a counselor. Self-harm doesn’t just go away. Your kid needs to learn different coping skills and it takes time. Typically when cutting behaviors go away, the child is left to deal with the issues that led them to self-harm. It’s a painful and lonely place to be, so they need as much support and new coping skills as possible.
You can try to lock up whatever they used for cutting, but when there’s a will- there’s a way. It’s natural to demand them to give up their razors or whatever they were using. But until the reasons they started cutting are addressed, kids will keep cutting.
Do not make your child feel guilty. After cutting, there is normally a huge tidal waves of shame, regret, fear, self-loathing that happens. You kid is beating themselves up enough. They don’t need a lecture on how this will impact their future. They need love, support and safe place to come talk to you.
Don’t force them to try to heal the scars. This goes back to parenting out of fear- fear of how this will impact bullies at school, or future job interviews. Part of cutting can be holding on to the scars. While this may not make sense to you, it does to your kid. Respect that and know they will let go of the scares when they are ready.
Be patient. When your kid cuts, they are getting a rush of endorphins to their brain. So for a moment, this helps them feel better. This is also what makes it harder to quit. So, be patient with your kid.

As always, spend more time with your kid. Little stuff can make a big difference. When kids feel safe and supported, good things happen!

Until next time! Xoxo- Kristen