Grapevine Children's Counseling

Navigating the complex terrain of adolescence is a challenge that many teenagers face. For those on the autism spectrum, the journey can be even more intricate. While each individual is unique, talk therapy has emerged as a powerful tool in supporting teenagers with autism. In this blog post, we’ll explore why talk therapy is invaluable for these young individuals, shedding light on the myriad benefits it offers.

1. Improved Communication Skills:

One of the core challenges faced by teenagers on the autism spectrum is communicating effectively. Talk therapy provides a safe, supportive environment where they can practice and refine their communication skills. Through guided conversations with a trained therapist, teens can learn to express themselves more clearly, leading to enhanced social interactions both within and outside of therapy sessions.

2. Emotional Regulation:

Many individuals on the autism spectrum grapple with emotional regulation. The intensity and complexity of emotions during adolescence can be overwhelming. Talk therapy equips teens with strategies to identify, understand, and manage their feelings. By discussing their emotions in a structured setting, they can develop coping mechanisms that serve them well in various aspects of their lives.

3. Social Skills Development:

Building and maintaining meaningful relationships can be a significant challenge for teenagers on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy offers a safe space to practice social interactions, helping them understand social cues and norms. Through role-playing and guided discussions, therapists can provide valuable feedback and teach crucial skills for navigating social situations.

4. Empowerment and Self-Advocacy:

Self-advocacy is a vital skill for any teenager, but it holds particular importance for those on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy helps them identify their strengths, interests, and areas where they might need support. By fostering a sense of self-awareness and self-worth, therapy empowers these individuals to advocate for their own needs, both in and outside of therapeutic sessions.

5. Coping Mechanisms for Anxiety and Stress:

Anxiety and stress are common challenges faced by teenagers, and they can be especially pronounced in individuals with autism. Talk therapy provides a space to explore and develop personalized coping strategies. Techniques like mindfulness, breathing exercises, and cognitive-behavioral interventions can be tailored to the unique needs of each teenager, offering them valuable tools for managing stressors.

6. Navigating Transitions and Change:

Change, whether it’s transitioning to a new school, facing academic challenges, or entering adulthood, can be particularly daunting for teenagers on the autism spectrum. Talk therapy helps them prepare for and navigate these transitions by providing a structured platform to discuss concerns, set goals, and develop practical strategies for success.

7. Building Self-Esteem and Resilience:

Positive self-esteem and resilience are critical for any teenager’s well-being. For those on the autism spectrum, who may face additional challenges and potential stigmatization, building confidence is especially important. Through talk therapy, teenagers can explore their strengths and achievements, gradually building a strong foundation of self-worth and resilience.

Talk therapy stands as a beacon of hope and support for teenagers on the autism spectrum. By providing a structured, safe environment for self-expression and growth, it equips them with invaluable skills for navigating the complexities of adolescence and beyond. Through improved communication, enhanced emotional regulation, and the development of crucial social and self-advocacy skills, talk therapy empowers these young individuals to flourish in their unique journeys.

I hear this a lot when I first meet with parents, and it makes my heart sink every time. As a parent, I’m sure you’ve heard some bizarre things come out of your kid’s mouth in the middle of a meltdown. And let’s face it—when your kid reaches that level of meltdown, you’re probably not functioning at your best either. Those pesky mirror neurons make you escalate, and your blood pressure rises!

However, any comment about suicide is serious, and it’s important not to ignore something like this.

EVEN IF you don’t think your child would ever attempt suicide (maybe they don’t even know what suicide is!), the fact that they said they want to kill themselves is a big signal that something is not right.

It’s always important to take any statement about suicide seriously. Typically, what I see in counseling is that kids need something that will grab someone’s attention. It’s like they’re waving their arms in the air saying, “Someone pay attention! I need help!”

That’s okay. In counseling, we can work on ways to tell people they’re hurting without making a suicidal outcry.

So, here’s the plan:

1. Take it seriously.
It NEVER hurts to follow up on this. It’s not worth the possibility of never seeing your child again. I know this for a fact: When there’s a will, there’s a way.

2. Go to a nearby emergency room.
A hospital can evaluate your child to see if they are able to keep themselves safe. Sometimes, a hospital is the best place for your child. The staff are trained to assess if your child is a danger to themselves or others.
If they think your child needs to be admitted, GREAT! You’re in the right place. People can help, and your child can find some relief from the pain.
If the hospital says they’re safe to come home, GREAT! You can rest easy knowing you did what you needed to do and can focus on next steps.

3. Find a counselor.
The hospital may be able to refer someone to you. It’s absolutely critical that you get your child into counseling after they make a suicidal outcry. Even if they were just having a tantrum, they still need counseling. Normal tantrums do not involve suicidal statements.

4. Talk to people at school.
Teachers, school counselors, principals. Was there bullying going on that you didn’t know about? Maybe grades have been slowly dropping or there’s too much pressure in a certain subject. Maybe your child’s best friend suddenly stopped being their friend. Gather information.

5. Check their social media.
Cyberbullying is REALLY scary now. Check to see if anything stands out. Snapchat might seem harmless with its cute puppy filters, but it’s actually one of the places where I see the worst bullying because content disappears immediately.

6. Check in with your relationship with your child.
Have you been able to spend time with them lately? When was the last time you had an actual conversation with them—outside of schedules, chores, or grades? Relationships can always be improved. Even when it doesn’t seem like it, the smallest moments of attention matter. Try going for a walk together or taking them on a quick grocery store run. One-on-one time is invaluable.

7. Find support for yourself.
It’s normal to feel hurt, guilty, or lost when your child makes a suicidal outcry. You need to talk about it with friends, family, or your own counselor—not with your child.
You want your kids to tell you when they’re feeling so sad they want to hurt themselves. But some kids feel pressure to hide their feelings because they worry about hurting their parents. That is not their responsibility, so don’t put that on them.

8. Promote communication in your home.
Talk with your child. Know what’s going on in their life. Let them know they can trust you and that you can help.

Even if you feel they’re just saying it for “attention,” it’s important to take it seriously. Something is going on with your child. Things are so bad that they feel they have to say something extreme to be heard. So let them be heard, and find the right support.

Until next time!
xoxo, Kristen

 

Now that your child can behave because he’s a perfect angel at school, you know it’s in there somewhere… that sweet, well-behaved kid who follows rules without attitude and does his chores without being asked. The one who does all his homework because he enjoys it and brings you breakfast in bed every morning… okay, okay.

“So where is this angel the teachers keep telling me about?”

Let me get really “counselor-y” on you: It’s actually a good sign that your kid acts like this at home. It means he feels comfortable with you.

Hear me out—has something ever gone terribly wrong at work, but you grit your teeth and smile through the frustration? Then you get home and snap at your partner over something not remotely important? Yeah… we all have.
You can’t go off on your boss and expect to keep your job. But you can take it out on someone safe who you know won’t leave.

The same applies to kids.
I’m not saying it’s not frustrating—it’s awful! However, if your kid were terrified of you, they probably wouldn’t be doing this.
We do NOT want kids to be afraid of their parents… before someone gets any ideas.

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Now, what do you do about it?

1. Keep yourself calm.
Nothing productive happens if you start yelling or crying out of frustration along with your kid.

2. Find some empathy.
Search… dig deep… find some tiny scrap of love and understanding… there it is! Phew.
I know it’s hard. Sometimes it feels impossible to feel empathy when World War III breaks out in your living room because you wouldn’t let them play on the tablet for ten hours straight.

Remember, your child has a life beyond what you see. He experiences the world differently—not just because he’s a kid, but because he’s a different person. Maybe something small happened at school that hurt his feelings. Maybe he feels like he has no control in his life and he’s had enough.
Kids don’t have the vocabulary or emotional intelligence to explain what’s going on inside.

3. Set firm boundaries.
Since we’ve established that you do still love your child, it’s still not okay for them to treat you poorly. Whatever rule or limit you’ve set, stick with it.
NO bargaining.
NO letting it slide.
You can be firm and loving at the same time.

4. Revisit the issue when everyone is calm.
It’s tempting to just move on, but it’s crucial to talk about what happened. Discuss healthy ways to express emotions—but most importantly, listen to your child.
They probably won’t have a beautiful, insightful explanation for their behavior. But when you open that door for communication, they learn:

1. It’s safe to come to you, even when they mess up.
2. We don’t ignore issues in this family.
3. When I’m treated with respect, I can treat others with respect.

5. Talk to a counselor.
If this is happening regularly and you’re starting to feel hopeless, you don’t have to stay in that place. Counseling can help kids with emotional regulation, healthy expression, and repairing family connections.

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Finally, give yourself—and your child—some grace.

No one is the perfect parent, and not everything that comes out of your mouth is going to be the picture of calmness and wisdom. The good news is that you can always repair, work on, and improve your relationship with your kid.

Until next time—
xoxo, Kristen

Nothing seems to provoke anger in a parent faster than when their kid is straight-up lying. And kids will lie about the weirdest stuff. I once had a little kid try to convince me he had built a mansion for himself. What? Where did that come from? Also… can I get one? Who was your contractor?

I’ve had to do a lot of research on this topic because it stumped me, too. I didn’t want to embarrass the kid by calling him out — because there has to be a reason he feels the need to lie. But I also don’t want him thinking it’s okay to lie or damage trust in our relationship. So let me share what the experts say!

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1. An adult’s reaction to the lie is critical.

In the book NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, they suggest not threatening kids about getting in trouble if they’re lying.
“It turns out that increasing the threat of punishment only turns kids into better and more frequent liars,” Bronson says.
So yelling, “You’re going to get a spanking if you’re lying!” doesn’t magically make kids want to tell the truth.

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2. Never ask a child a question if you already know the answer.

If you saw your child hit their sibling and you ask,
“Did you just hit your sister?!” and they respond, “I didn’t!!”
—now the kid is in trouble for hitting and for lying, plus they got a ton of attention.

According to Dr. Gary Landreth, play-therapy guru, you’re setting your kid up for failure and escalating the situation because your anger is rising and your child is even more desperate to save himself.

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3. An increase in lying is important to notice!

“Any sudden spate of lying, or dramatic increase in lying, is a sign that something has changed in that child’s life in a way that troubles him.”
Dr. Victoria Talwar explains:
“Lying is a symptom — often of a bigger problem behavior. It’s a strategy to keep themselves afloat.”
(NurtureShock, Bronson & Merryman)

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4. Fall back on good ole President George Washington.

Researchers compared The Boy Who Cried Wolf vs. George Washington and the Cherry Tree.
Results?

• The Boy Who Cried Wolf increased lying (because it was punishment-based).
• George Washington and the Cherry Tree reduced lying by 75% in boys and 50% in girls.

Punishment = more lying.
Modeling honesty = less lying.
(NurtureShock, Bronson & Merryman)

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5. Encourage truth-telling.

What really works is saying:
“I will not be upset if you lied. If you tell the truth, I will be really happy.”

This gives the child both immunity and a clear path back to safety.
Talwar explains:

“Young kids are lying to make you happy — they’re trying to please you. So telling kids that the truth will make a parent happy challenges their belief that ‘good news,’ not honesty, is what parents want.”
(NurtureShock, Bronson & Merryman)

The goal isn’t catching the lie — it’s teaching the skill of telling the truth.

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6. It’s really important that adults aren’t lying.

Kids learn from everything they see and hear.
If there’s one thing I know FOR SURE as a child counselor, it’s that parents wildly underestimate:

1. How much their kids know
2. How much their kids hear

They know when you’re lying. There’s no hiding.
They are always watching… always listening…

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7. Spend some one-on-one time with your kid.

Listen to what’s going on in their life and focus on strengthening the relationship.
It’s easier to tell the truth to someone you feel close to and who you believe will listen.

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Good luck out there, and give it some time! Kids respond so much better when they don’t feel cornered.
I’m not lying! …sorry, I had to. 🙂

Until next time,
xoxo Kristen

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References:
These are where I got a lot of the info, along with consulting other counselors:

• Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship by Gary Landreth
• NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
• NPR article: (NPR link provided in original text)

Cutting and self-harm have been showing up more and more in my practice lately. These behaviors can be incredibly confusing and scary for parents. Many wonder, “Why would you hurt yourself to feel better?” or “What does this mean for your future?”

What I see most often is that parents feel completely blindsided when they discover their child has been cutting. They frequently feel like they’ve failed because they “missed the signs.” It’s heartbreaking—sadness and shame fill the room. Interestingly, when I meet with parents individually, they’re usually devastated and scared. But when they’re sitting with their child, those emotions often turn into anger and frustration: “Why won’t you stop?” “Why won’t you talk to me?”

If I could hit pause for parents in that moment, I would. Their reactions are always rooted in fear, but their child doesn’t experience it that way. Kids usually hear anger as disappointment—they feel like they’ve failed yet again.

Parents: it is okay to be vulnerable with your kids. In fact, it teaches them that vulnerability is safe.

Here are some tips for responding if you discover your child has been cutting or self-harming:

1. React with love, not fear.

It’s terrifying to see that your child has hurt themselves. But yelling, lecturing, or demanding answers will shut the conversation down. Take a breath. Gently acknowledge that you’ve noticed the cuts and that you’re worried. Your child might feel embarrassed or defensive—that’s okay. Let them know you aren’t angry; you’re concerned.

2. Don’t spiral into self-blame in front of them.

Thoughts like “Where did I go wrong?” or “Why didn’t you talk to me?” are completely normal—but this moment isn’t about your feelings. It’s about what your child is going through. Save those questions for a private space or for your own support system.

3. If you believe your child is suicidal, take them to the ER.

Trust your gut. If you suspect their safety is at risk, seek immediate help.

4. Find a counselor.

Self-harm doesn’t disappear on its own. Kids need new coping skills, support, and time. When they stop cutting, the underlying pain doesn’t magically resolve—they need help navigating it.

5. Removing tools won’t solve the root issue.

Locking up razors or sharp objects is understandable, but determined kids will find alternatives. Real change comes from addressing why they started cutting in the first place.

6. Don’t guilt or shame them.

After cutting, kids are already dealing with massive waves of shame, fear, regret, and self-loathing. They don’t need a lecture about the future—they need compassion, steady support, and a safe place to talk.

7. Don’t pressure them to “fix” or hide their scars.

This reaction often comes from fear—fear of bullying, judgment, or long-term impact. But for many kids, scars hold emotional meaning. They’ll let go of them when they’re ready. Respect the pace.

8. Be patient.

Cutting releases endorphins, which means—for a moment—it genuinely makes them feel better. That’s part of what makes it hard to stop. Patience and consistency are key.

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Most of all: spend time with your child. The small, everyday moments matter more than you think. When kids feel safe and supported, healing can happen.

Until next time!
Xoxo – Kristen